I am probably the person with the poorest health in my family, because by the age of 29, I already have surgeries which requires general anesthesia four times. Anesthesia sleep is the most peaceful sleep I have in my life, which makes me wonder if death is just like this - a very very long peaceful sleep? I find this notion very appealing - no more emotions, just peace.
I have to admit I considered committing suicide many times after my first life-changing knee injury - I imagined all the things I could do but is now impossible due to the injury, and I got frustrated. However, I believe all children have responsibility to their parents. For most children, the responsibility is to take care of their parents financially when they grow old. Although my parents probably won't be needing this, and they probably can hire someone to help them with activities of daily living, I think one of the major happiness they get from having my sister and me is to see us lead a happy life. For this reason, I can't die yet.
But if I should die, I hope it will be a fast process - no lingering pain - and like someone who suddenly turn all the lights off in a room. Also, I hope people who are close to me, especially my parents, will not be too sad if I die prematurely. I want them to know I am finally in peace, quoting the words of Yoda: "Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force."
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No,nobody can choose how you die, at least in my thought and experience. Death is suddenly, all the time, everytime you feel it's the time but maybe not. So enjoy your life, bitter or sweet, it's all you can keep in the world. You know what, many people just 羨慕你。
Well said, sir. I wasn't claiming that I am the most unfortunate person in the world. In fact, I'm pretty lucky that I can still bike (and it's the only thing that makes me feel positive about my life), and I have a very supportive family (for supporting my academic pursuit but not biking).
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